You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
