look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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