well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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