i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
