Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
