Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
