Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
