On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
