I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
