Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
