I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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