It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
