Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
