my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
