my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
