I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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