No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thus making me awesome and them whores
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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