sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate all girls vehemently.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
