I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sext me about skeletons
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
