So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
