I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
