wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
