some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
