thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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