so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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