You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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