I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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