I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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