so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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