I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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