not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
