Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
