U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
