Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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