you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
