ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize