Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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