My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
