so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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