The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have fence marks all over my body
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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