What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
