She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
