the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
