I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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