That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
