im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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