I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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