can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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