I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
