Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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