i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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